Grief

Grief does not have one correct shape. Sometimes it comes as despair, crying and longing. Sometimes as silence, numbness, exhaustion or the feeling that the world has moved on while you remain in a place no one else can see anymore.

You may still work, answer the phone, do the shopping and talk to people, while at the same time feeling that something very important in your life has already changed. Loss is not always visible from the outside. It is not always possible to describe it in simple words.

I am a psychologist and I support adults who are experiencing grief, loss, emptiness, guilt, longing, loneliness or emotional overload after the death of someone close. Sessions are available in person in Bydgoszcz and online. You can read more about me on the page Psychologist Marta Korsak.

You do not need to know what grief “should” look like. You do not need ready words. We can begin with the fact that it is difficult.

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Grief shown as a person sitting in a calm interior, symbolising psychological support after loss.

Grief does not have one rhythm

After a loss, many people hear – or feel between the lines — that they should already be “getting back to life”. Sometimes others ask if it is better now. Sometimes no one asks at all, because everyone assumes that the hardest part has passed.

But grief often does not work that way. It may return in waves. It may become stronger around anniversaries, holidays, ordinary mornings, smells, songs, places or sentences that suddenly open something very painful.

You may have a day when you function more calmly, and then a day when everything hurts again as if it happened yesterday. This does not necessarily mean going backwards. Sometimes this is what learning to live after loss looks like.

You do not need to grieve correctly. It is worth having a place where grief does not need to be rushed.

How loss may be felt in everyday life

Grief can touch many different areas of life. It is not limited to sadness. Sometimes it changes the way you think, the body, sleep, relationships, everyday decisions and the sense of meaning.

It may appear as:

Longing

Longing may return suddenly, even when you are trying to focus on ordinary things. Sometimes a small detail is enough to make the absence feel very clear.

Emptiness

After a loss, it may feel as if something has disappeared not only from life, but also from everyday routines, plans and the sense of safety.

Anger

Anger in grief is not wrong. You may feel angry at the situation, the illness, fate, other people, yourself, and sometimes even at the person who died.

Guilt

Many people return to questions: “Could I have done more?”, “Should I have noticed something?”, “Did I say goodbye in the right way?”. These thoughts can become very heavy.

Numbness

Some people do not feel despair immediately after a loss. They feel emptiness, freezing or the sense of functioning on autopilot. This can also be part of the reaction to a very difficult experience.

Exhaustion

Grief can be physically tiring. Even simple tasks may require more strength than before. The body also carries loss.

Not everyone experiences all of these reactions. Not everyone experiences them in the same order. What matters is not whether your grief fits a scheme, but how strongly it affects your life.

A person standing in an everyday space, symbolising loneliness after loss and grief that may not be visible from the outside.

When loss has no place

One of the most difficult experiences in grief can be loneliness. It does not always mean that there is no one around. Sometimes people are there, but they do not know what to say. Sometimes they try to comfort too quickly. Sometimes they stay silent because they are afraid to touch a painful subject.

You may feel that you do not want to burden others. That you have already spoken about it too much. That others have their own lives. That your loss is uncomfortable for people around you, too long or too difficult.

Sometimes a loss is not recognised by others as “important enough”. It may concern a separation, loss of health, work, an important relationship, safety, plans for the future or an animal companion. And yet the fact that others do not see something does not mean it does not hurt.

In a psychological conversation, there can be space for loss without the need to explain why it still matters. If your loss overlaps with other difficulties, you can also check the scope of psychological support.

When to consider psychological support in grief

You do not need to wait until things are “really bad”. Psychological support in grief is not only for people who are unable to function. It may also be helpful when, from the outside, you somehow manage, but inside it becomes increasingly difficult to hold what has happened. If you are wondering whether your situation is enough reason to reach out, the page Who is this help for? may also be helpful.

In such a situation, it is easy to push your own emotions aside. You may tell yourself: “this is not the time for me”. And yet overload, helplessness, fear and sadness also need a place.

Psychological support is not about taking grief away or quickly closing the subject. Sometimes it is about having a safe place where you can speak about what hurts, without judgment, without hurry and without pressure to already be somewhere else.

You may consider reaching out if:

  • you feel that grief is taking more and more of your strength,
  • it is difficult to speak about the loss with loved ones,
  • you feel lonely in what you are experiencing,
  • guilt, regret, anger or unanswered questions keep returning,
  • you cannot rest from thoughts about the loss,
  • you feel that everyone has moved on and you have not,
  • everyday functioning has become much harder,
  • you are afraid that your grief is “not the way it should be”.

Grief, depression and overload

Grief itself is not an illness. It is a reaction to loss. But it can involve very deep suffering, and sometimes also low mood, withdrawal, emptiness, insomnia, loss of meaning or difficulty with everyday functioning.

The point is not to diagnose every grief response or turn it into a clinical problem. It is more about attention: whether, over time, there is at least a little more space for life, or whether the suffering remains so intense that it begins to take away the ability to function.

If, after a loss, there is long-lasting lack of strength, loss of meaning, strong guilt, withdrawal from relationships or thoughts of giving up, it is worth not staying alone with it. You can also read the page about depression if you feel that grief is connected with low mood and loss of strength to live.

How psychological support after loss may look

The first message does not need to be long. You do not need to describe the whole story or arrange it in a perfect order. It is enough to write that you would like to schedule a conversation and that it concerns grief or loss.

Step 1 – You write or call

You can contact me through the form, by email or by phone. A few simple details are enough: that you would like to schedule an initial conversation, what form of meeting is possible for you and a few words about what brings you here.

Step 2 – We schedule the first conversation

During the first meeting, we can calmly look at what has happened, how it affects your everyday life and what you need most right now. You do not need to say everything at once.

Step 3 – We make space for what is difficult

The conversation may include sadness, silence, anger, guilt, longing, helplessness or exhaustion. They do not need to be forced into order. We can look at them step by step, at a pace that is possible.

You can read more about how I work on the page “How I work”.

What this page does not replace

This page may help name part of the experience after loss, but it does not replace an individual conversation with a psychologist, diagnosis or urgent help in a life- or health-threatening situation.

If suicidal thoughts appear, if there is an intention to hurt yourself, a sense of immediate danger or concern that someone close may be in danger, it is not worth waiting for a standard consultation date. In such a situation, safety here and now is most important: the emergency number 112, an emergency department, hospital admissions unit or emergency medical services.

If you need a conversation in a crisis after loss, you can check the Suddenly Alone Foundation, which supports people in mourning and after loss in Poland. In a strong psychological crisis, you can also use the Support Centre for Adults in Mental Crisis. A general explanation of grief after bereavement or loss is available on the NHS page about grief and loss.

A symbolic illustration showing that a page about grief can be a guide, but does not replace a psychological consultation or urgent help.

Sessions in Bydgoszcz and online

Sessions are available in person in Bydgoszcz and online. One consultation lasts 50 minutes. The fee is 300 zł. After a phone message, email or contact form submission, I reply within 48 hours.

In the first message, you do not need to describe everything in detail. You can simply write: “I would like to schedule a conversation after a loss” and add whether you prefer an in-person or online meeting.

Schedule an initial conversation

FAQ – Frequently asked questions

Most often, grief is spoken about after the death of someone close, but loss may also concern a relationship, health, work, a sense of safety, plans for the future or an animal companion. What matters is not whether someone from the outside considers the loss “important enough”, but how you experience it.

No. Stages of grief can be a helpful description, but they are not an obligatory map. You do not need to know what stage you are in to reach out for support. You can simply come with the fact that it is difficult.

Yes. Grief often returns in waves. A calmer day does not mean that everything has passed, and a harder day does not mean that you are back at the beginning. After loss, emotions may change unevenly.

When you feel that carrying grief alone has become too difficult, when it is hard to function, when strong guilt, withdrawal, insomnia, tension or the feeling that you have nowhere to say what you are really experiencing appears.

The point is not to speed grief up. Psychological support may create a place where loss can be experienced without judgment and without pressure. Sometimes it helps to better understand your own reactions and gradually look for a way to live with what cannot be undone.

Yes. Sessions can take place in person in Bydgoszcz or online. The form of the meeting can be adjusted to your situation, possibilities and sense of safety.

You can start with one conversation

If something on this page feels close to your experience, you can write. You do not need ready words or certainty that your grief “qualifies” for help. It is enough to feel that you no longer want to be alone with it.

The first step can be a calm conversation.

Schedule an initial conversation